Tongariro National Park, New Zealand
Mt. Ngauruhoe, Tongariro Alpine Crossing
I hadn’t seen Kate, one of my dearest friends, in over four months. She only lives two hours away by car. You can imagine what this implies for friends who live two days away by plane.
As you may recall, Kate is the British girl who accompanied me on my sojourn from Wellington to Auckland. After over a month of fruitless job searching in Auckland, she relocated to the Coromandel Peninsula in October, where people are generally more accepting of her nose ring, Florence Henderson haircut, and second-hand clothes.
While Kate was working and dating in the beach town of Tairua, I was doing the same in Auckland. However, unlike Kate, I had wireless Internet, Facebook, and cell phone reception. We stayed in touch as much as possible, but we never managed to actually see each other. Clearly, only a special event could bring us together, and that event was the Tongariro Alpine Crossing.
Considered to be one of New Zealand’s best one-day walks, the Crossing is a nineteen-kilometer trek over the steep volcanic terrain of Mt. Ngauruhoe and Mt. Tongariro. Kate and I first learned of the hike in July, when we went snowboarding at Mt. Ruapehu. Both activities are located in Tongariro National Park, but the idea of climbing an active volcano in the snow was about as compelling as the idea of skiing on gravel. We vowed that when the weather warmed, we would return to complete the Crossing.
Honestly, I didn’t think it would happen. I finished working at the end of January, leaving me almost four weeks to travel before leaving New Zealand. However, my boyfriend offered to take me surfing for the last two weeks, and I doubted that Kate and I could coordinate a trip in so little time. Thankfully, we both perform better under pressure. A few days after I finished my contract, I met Kate in National Park village.
Kate was already a few days into another reunion. Roger, one of her best mates from England who she hadn’t seen in over two years, had made New Zealand a quick stop on his six-month journey around the world. Given that the Crossing is a quintessential North Island activity, we invited him along for the hike.
Unlike many activities popular with the masses, the Crossing actually lives up to its hype. Emerald Lakes glitter in the blazing
Emerald Lakes, Tongariro Alpine Crossing
summer sun, cloud shadows dance upon the rocky slopes of conical Mt. Ngauruhoe, and steam escapes from vents like a sulfur-scented air freshener. We clamored past painted rock formations and colorful craters, breathed the moist air of a lush podocarp forest, and reapplied sunscreen, often.
The only low point occurred when we stopped for lunch and Roger announced he didn’t have the room key, even though he had been the one to shut the door. Fortunately, when we returned to the hostel after a day of perfect weather, beautiful scenery, and strenuous activity, we found the key dangling from the outside lock and all of our stuff still inside the room.
The next day, Roger went to jump out of a plane in Taupo (for fun, not as punishment), while Kate and I am ambitiously hitchhiked nearly 350 kilometers from National Park to Tairua in the Coromandel. (Note to my mother: it’s still safe to hitch in most parts of New Zealand.) We made the journey in just five rides and six hours, and only one driver showed any indication of being a total nutter.
I learned many valuable lessons along the way, such as hitchhiking greatly resembles speed dating, only you don’t want to date the people you meet so much as write novels about them. Or that on long car rides, strangers will tell you all manner of things that neither of you want you to know. Also, never get in if you don’t trust the driver, allow the driver to make an unplanned stop or detour, or put your bags in the trunk. Most of all, I determined that friendships, unlike romantic relationships, don’t require constant contact or close proximity for survival.
In fact, after observing Kate and Roger, I would argue that distance might be beneficial in certain cases. The incident with the keys was only one of many complaints Kate lodged against Roger once he was out of earshot. Mostly, she griped that he was selfish, lazy, and clueless. “He’s a twenty-eight year old male who still lives with his ridiculously wealthy parents, what did you expect?” I reasoned. “Traveling will be good for him. Give him a chance to change before you write him off.” That’s when Kate confessed that she wasn’t disappointed in Roger; she was scared that she no longer had anything in common with her friends from England.
Many long-term travelers share the fear that after a long stint abroad, they will find themselves irreconcilably distant from close friends. In my experience, this is an irrational fear. Becoming an expat does change you; but you probably became an expat because you were different to begin with. If your friends got you before you left, they’re likely to still get you when you return home. Besides, traveling is not the only thing that changes people. Love, marriage, children, mortgages, careers, graduate school, and ageing all impact personal development and personal relationships and don’t require a passport. It’s possible that while you were evolving overseas, your friends from home were evolving in exactly the same way.
Don’t do your friends the injustice of presuming they can’t understand you simply because they’ve never left home (and for everyone’s sake, please have something to talk about other than your own travels). And don’t naively assume that if you lived next door to your best friend you will still be as close now as you ever were. As we mature, pursue romance, follow our life’s dream, and inherit responsibilities once delegated to our parents (cooking, cleaning, paying the bills), we have less time for our friends, and our friendships progress or plateau, persevere or vanish. No doubt you will miss your friends while you are gone. However, so long as your friendships are based on genuine affinity rather than history or convenience, you won’t lose them.
Of course, part of my connection with Kate comes from the fact that we are both restless souls. I wish I could drop by Kate’s place unannounced because I happened to be in the neighborhood, seek her advice rather than report on the results, or actually do stuff with her instead of tell her the story later. Our lifestyle just doesn’t allow for it. But, there is something magical about our marathon gossip sessions; Kate’s epic, stream of consciousness, punctuation- and paragraph-free emails; and our girl-bonding vacations. Three days probably provided us with enough inside jokes and unforgettable memories to last us until next time – June 2010, Melbourne, to celebrate our birthdays.
*Itinerary Subject to Change: Temporarily Suspending a Trip Abroad
Published April 23, 2010 Identity , Social Commentary , Thoughts , Travel , Uncategorized Leave a CommentTags: Changing Travel Plans, End of Overseas Experience, Personal, Returning Home After Abroad, Thoughts, Travel, Why Live Abroad
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Montmartre, Paris at nightfall.
A young American woman sits alone at a café, studying Sartre’s L’âge de raison in its original French.
In front of her sidewalk table the glorious Basilique du Sacré-Coeur glows like an angel that finally got his wings. It’s spring, but the air is still cold. The waiter, more homme than garçon, helps a middle-aged woman with the zipper of her fur coat.
Totally engrossed in existential philosophy, the young woman looks up only once and briefly, to acknowledge receipt of her café au lait and croissant aux amandes, and to ponder the meaning of life.
And scene.
That is an excerpt from Me in Paris, a screenplay I wrote nearly two years ago before my family’s one-week vacation to France. Nevermind the impossibility of that fantasy – it was fall, I’m nowhere near that proficient in French, and coffee makes me jittery – even if it had come true, it would have represented just a few hours of one evening, not the entire trip. Honestly, I probably would have spent the rest of the time worrying that the almond croissant would transform itself into a muffin top.
Daydreaming with wild abandon is as integral a part of any pre-overseas ritual as getting vaccinated and renewing your passport. If I remember correctly, my visions for Argentina involved dulce de leche and tango dancers, while those for New Zealand featured bungy jumping and one of the guys from Flight of the Conchords.
Sadly, those snapshots tend to spontaneously combust upon arrival, when you realize that neither you nor your destination at all resembles the picture in your head. You then construct a new image of yourself from the rubble, only to have it destroyed again. This creation-destruction cycle continues until finally your idea of who you are in a given place matches reality. In my case, I started out a peacock and arose from the ashes a hummingbird.
Faced with the promise of Australia, my imagination began painting the walls of my mind as if it were a hyperactive child with finger paints and an innate appreciation of the works of Jackson Pollock. Prominent subjects of the fantastically colorful mural were surfing, koalas, and the stage of the Sydney Opera House.
However, at some point imagination gave way to realism. In a flash of lucidity, I prophesized myself living in a backpacker’s hostel and temping at a telecommunications company, friendless, penniless, and with too much stuff.
Not two months ago, I was camping on the beach in New Zealand with my boyfriend. Today, I am sitting on the couch of a close friend in Buenos Aires. The idea that I traded all that for the opportunity to be lonely, frustrated, and uncomfortable in Australia made me queasy. Of all the things I’m good at, bargaining is not one of them.
On two separate occasions, I have moved abroad alone, with no job or contacts, and minimal savings and language skills. I did this for a reason – to free myself of familial, societal, and peer pressure, and to find out who I was when there was no one there to tell me who I was supposed to be.
The last five years were phenomenal, propitious, and absolutely necessary for my personal development; but now that I have a clear idea of who I am, what I want to do, and how I want to live my life, I can’t justify subjecting myself yet again to the solitude, insecurity and anxiety inherent in going overseas on your own. It’s not that I no longer want to be abroad; it’s that I can’t stomach the thought of starting over from scratch a third time.
As with all good nervous breakdowns, this one turned out to be a revelation: after so many years of ego-tourism, I am done with journeys of self-discovery, for now. The next time I travel, it will be with one backpack and a budget, I will leave from and return to the same place, and I will not worry about working, making friends, or paying rent. Unfortunately, I am broke and burnt out, and in desperate need of a break before I can manage such a trip.
When I called my parents from Buenos Aires to ask if I could stay with them for a few months (instead of through mid-May as originally planned) they were both shockingly sympathetic, supportive, and delighted. I’m uneasy about the prospect of returning to Michigan, but excited to have two summers in a row.
Postponing my trip to Australia was not an insignificant, easy, or expected decision. But of all the lessons I’ve learned from my time abroad, perhaps the most important are: trust your instincts, drop your pride, and all itineraries are subject to change without prior notice.